Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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