my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
