Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
