cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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