If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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