omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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