Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
