Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
