i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
