frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
