just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think your dad took our porno
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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