just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You left your phone here
Wait...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize