summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
