My first STD was from a foam party
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
