Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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