It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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