I think my fart just growled at me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
