i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
