I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
