Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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