I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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