I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
