It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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