Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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