Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
