i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
