my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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