i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
