peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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