repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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