you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
