just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
