Having a random hookup so left but love u
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
