I hope mine doesn't look like that
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize