The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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