I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize