The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
