I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
