Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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