I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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