I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
