I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
