the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All the doctor said was why
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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