i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
