What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The air was thick with penises
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
