Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you will always have a special place in my vag
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
