Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
