Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
