You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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