he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
