I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize