I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize