First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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