I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
