So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize