We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
