Buhtt sex?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
