DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
