you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Randomize
