I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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