how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
