so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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