rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
