You smell like a Billy Joel song
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
