I think I died a long time ago.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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