Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
