I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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