I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
