The best revenge is premature balding
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
