This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
