I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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