try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
