I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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