She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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