My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
