Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
