i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
